TP

words from TP's blog, she wrote a long story so im grabbing the bits that stood out

Life is whatever you want it to be, anything goes. So pave your own way. Speak from your heart. And do what makes YOU happy. 

That my friends, is the key to success.

. I have always believed in jumping in, even if i didnt know what I was jumping into. Follow your gut, and let the universe take care of the rest. It has never failed. Even when I thought it failed, it was just the universe’s way of guiding me down the right path.

<3dancedancedance<3

so today was my first night in momo's project. sunday night had been MK nights up til this moment..not going to get into that right now, but yeah...& so now i have no time for the rest but long story short-ive grown. & thats not just as a dancer, but with my confidence in myself and in my dancing. in the movements of my body, in how i hold myself. it feels good, it feels right..it feels like im getting closer & closer to being that legit dancer i want to be-the greatest part is THERE IS NO TOP. Dance is always growing, evolving, so there is always something to learn. something new to try and do. its wonderful i have chosen a field that forever will go off into the universe & i get to be a part of that.

so after rehearsals momo came over to me and was like "you have grown so much. i just knew it and you are just going to keep going *puts hand up towards the sky* if you want to make this a career you totally could"

THAT FEELS SOO GOOD TO HEAR. SO GOOD. sean picks me and now momo--these dancers years ago would not have even looked my way for a project and now i am getting asked personally? its amazing! It feels so good to have my growth recognized by my peers. ive been kinda down lately with this whole mk deal, and a part of it is my ego knowing anthony may not pick me for projects anymore and its just what im doing with dance where im going..and today i had that la mentality where it was like fight for it, but i kept it subtle & it worked. im slowing getting where i need to be in myself for the big move. i have to do it.. i need to do it. i want to do at least one tour in my lifetime, and a good one too. not some miley cyrus hald ass shit. lady gaga go ape crazy shit. i can and will do this.

HORRAYYY

lv's back 

:)

always believe in yourself

God always blesses the broken road

So tonight my solo was amazing. I also fear solos but today i just wasnt feeling anything, i was stuck in this rut because skylar is in everything i was suppose to be in & now shes gonna be in mk as well..dont get me wrong shes an amazing dancer & a great person, i am just mad at myself. the choices are made are done & over so i need to get over it. 

so tonight we had to do solos & each person picked a random name & gave them their song, i gave myriam hers and ironically enough she got my name, she did this song that totally reminded me of regina specktor & in the beginning was piano sounds, and i just did only my fingers & every1 went oooo & then i soloed & it felt so good & i could understand the music & felt it in me...anthony said it was his favorite solo hes ever seen me do, & every1 swore i knew the song-i didnt. it was amazing, & exactly what i needed.

so something is off..not off..just..iono like everything in my life is good, & its scary. & i have never realized how low my self esteem was until i took out the most important factor that kepy it afloat--my friends.

now i am just always hanging out with mike, so take away the enormous amount of time spent with friends crazy in love with me and replace it with one man who is irreplaceable...that is some scary shit.

THIS is why i keep that fear of ashley there.

THIS is why i blame him internally for shit that is nothing but my own.

because i am scared.

this is all so different and new, & kamil helped with this 1..she said its like after a break up, but the reverse. after a break up you have to adjust being single, now i have to adjust to being back into a relationship. & boy is it hard

love purfies all it is not

holy cow man.

that is so true, more shit has come up in the past 3 months than anything EVER has. & he has stayed. my insecurities, my fears, my goals, my good, my bad. hes there, i certainly would have left. but he stays.

he stays

i dont know why, i dont know why he chose me or how God has found me worthy of it, and it scares me. & now everything feels complete, and instead of embracing it im running away-HA! the last thing i thought would ever happen. its funny cuz with dance i can accept all greatness that comes to me, because i worked my ass off damnit. but i have forgotten that i have gone through MAJOR shit to deserve a huge love. thats just it though, its all ive known..how to run away from bad guys & how to not take shit & what not..and now some1 amazing has come, & my walls are crumbling down & i have to learn that thats okay...that its truly okay..& that its real. this is real, its the first time ive felt true love in a relationship. when he says something about the way he feels, i know its true. yeah i bitch & am like well why .. or sureee..or whatever...but deep down it rattles me to my bones, through my vertabre into my blood stream past all that into my soul, just when he LOOKS at me it brings me to tears. he doesnt even say anything, he just looks at me. its the craziest thing ever. I NEED TO BELIEVE. Believe in this, believe its not going to go away, believe that its here FOR me, believe that he is truthful

He is literally everything ive ever wanted & hoped for & dreamed about but so much more than that. i hope i am that for him, i get so scared of the past which is silly, everything brought us to this moment-everything.  every sign has proved it.

be kind to yourself. 

this is

a rebirth.

again.

new growth in a different arena.